homework: The Relationship Help 2

Letter no.2

Dear Anonymous,

Oh yes, it's those family problems again.

Mom treating you like a baby

Dad complains about you doing something.

Sister acting like she needs attention.

I hear you, bro. You might look at your family and see that it really needs a “fix up.”

Family relationships REALLY need balance. And most often, balancing is not easy. It needs effort, understanding and a lot of outsider's perspective. The clash of your different traits and opinions also contribute to this imbalance.

Every action (or even NO ACTION) affects our relationships (And we are not usually aware of it!) Every step we make contributes to the relationships we have. The counter-action of the persons affected depend on how they just view the situation.

Interactional View of Communication implies that families are highly resistant to change. When there is a “personality reinvention” within a member, other family members would initially resist it. They would stay the same, pretend it's not there, or act on it in order to put the family back to what it was like before.

Your mom denies that you have grown up (independently?)

Father probably wants to puts things back to the way things were... or are supposed to be (you, a non-smoker?)

Sister reacts differently...probably because all the attention your parents used to give her, suddenly got divided.

Their reactions all depended on what actions have happened since you left and came back. These are their counter-actions. These, they assume, would help keep your family balanced again.

In order to fix up this dilemma, try to do something they call "reframing". This act involves going outside the your family's box. By doing so, you will be able to get some OUTSIDER'S PERSPECTIVE. A view from the outside would help you view the situations objectively. Lose your subjectiveness.

Do this with your family. This is a time for an open forum where the members can also give her ideas about your family. Talk, discuss and listen!

Besides, running away isn't gonna help that much insolving the problem.

Kudos!

_TRH